Inez Kelley: Do the tips match the lips?

When I asked my guests to come up with a chatty post, I felt a little guilty because I knew I was asking a lot. (It’s tough coming up with an original blog post when you are asked to talk about the same book over and over again.)

I had not one lick of guilty with today’s guest, Inez Kelley. Inez has a natural chattiness, along with a wicked sense of humor. She recently had her first book, Jinxed, released by Samhain Publishing, but if you want a quick glimpse into her writing, she also has several short stories you can download for free. You can find them on her website –the freebies are here on the “Fun stuff” page. (Seriously, don’t miss that front page of her website, if for no other reason than the “Mancandy Flavor of the Week”. Yum.)

Inez has a natural talent for comedy. I discovered that when I read her first short story, To Cop a Kiss (it’s a link to a PDF – you’d do better to right click on it.):

The night air knifed through her thin t-shirt and pebbled her nipples into two hard points that no padded bra could hide. If she were wearing a padded bra. Hell, she wasn’t wearing a bra at all. Do your boobs hang low, do they wobble to and fro…

(Try and read that last line without singing it, I dare you!)

So when I opened Inez’s email with today’s blogpost, I just about split a gut. When I told Gizmo Guy what Inez had written about, he said “Oooh, two of my favorite topics.”

Here’s another challenge – read Inez’s post and not snort at least once … I will give a warning though – it doesn’t happen often on this blog, but for those of you with tender sensibilities … there’s no bad language, but if the word nipples makes you squeamish, maybe you’d better not read anymore because … ah, heck, we’re all grown up here … consider it a scientific/medical discussion.

***

Happy Birthday Leah! I bought you a gift! It’s a fire extinguisher for your cake. All those candles have to be a fire hazard.

Kidding. I myself have stopped celebrating birthdays. Too depressing. Once your age gets above your bust measurement, it’s all down hill and sag-city. Or is that TMI?

Okay, change of subject.

Uhm…. Okay, I’m drawing a blank so back to boobs.


Why do romance writers always use the color pink to describe nipples? Even I am guilty of it and guess what, mine aren’t pink!

TMI?

Women like myself, with olive or darker skin tone, don’t always have rosy tips or mauve crests. Nope. And women of color often range from cinnamon to blackberry. So why all the pink titty talk?

True story to show I have absolutely no embarrassment level whatsoever…

In college, a group of romance reading girlfriends and I were discussing this very thing and we compared. Of the four of us in the room, I was the odd one out. No pink here.

This disturbed me and I announced we were too small a pool to collect data from. So we (okay me with them trailing as backup) went door to door in the all-girl dorm asking the all-important question: What color are your nipples?

(I swear to God this really happened and anyone who lived in Gribble Hall during those years can verify this. Alcohol may or may not have played a small role in this tale.)

Pink was the majority, granted. However, college girls are not all known for their modesty and several snapped up their shirts to show us. The hues ranged from the palest blush of pink to cherry red, honey to milk chocolate, cinnamon to almost purple-black. A few guys visiting in the dorm thought this was hilarious and offered their skin tone to the mix and I swear, one of them had orange nipples— fat little dark orange circles. (I swear I am scarred for life there)

This led to an interesting and somewhat disturbing comment from one guy about the ‘tips matching the lips’. Now, I’m the lipstick queen. My natural lip color is far paler than my nipples so I scoffed at that statement. He wiggled completely bushy eyebrows and said those weren’t the ‘lips’ he was talking about.

Oh. Uhm. Okay, see, I have no problem asking random strangers what color their nipples are but there was no way in hell I was asking the shade of their nethers. Captain Morgan didn’t make enough rum for that round of Show-and-Tell. But I had no problem asking the guys about it.

They very vividly and excitingly described every cooter-color they had come across in their (most likely exaggerated) past. Many claimed those lower lips did match the nips. Others shrugged and said they closed their eyes while down there.

Well, good Lord, no wonder college boys have trouble finding the damn pearl while oyster diving.

I abandoned that line of questioning quickly. Some things I can live without knowing. *note: I am also avoiding the discussion on size of areolas*

With all this variety, why are so many pink pebbled peaks appearing in prose? (say that 5 times fast!)

I guess you could say that majority rules. I do try to offer a variety of tightened and taut flesh tones in my stories. I have coral ones, cinnamon ones, apricot ones, ones I even likened to strawberry jam (he was hungry, hush up). I have even described the ‘oyster’ as pink. But not always.

Variety is the spice of life. So I challenge romance and erotica writers to shake things up a bit. Have a berry bud, a tangerine tip, a caramel crest. Embrace diversity! Let go of the plain pink and delve deeper into skin tone. NIPPLE POWER!!
I think I need to up my meds a little.

Oh well. I amuse myself. And I don’t need batteries to do it.

If you would like to be amused, check out my Samhain debut Romantic Comedy JINXED.

(Frannie’s nipples are pink, BTW)

Happy Birthday and Happy Blogging, Leah! And oh yeah, commenters, I have a question to ask you…

What color are YOUR nipples? One random brave commenter will win a free download of JINXED in their choice of formats! Winner announced tomorrow by the lovely and luscious Leah Braemel!

 

***

There’s no way I can follow that one up … once you stop laughing, leave a comment …

44 thoughts on “Inez Kelley: Do the tips match the lips?

  1. A beautiful pale pink. But they get brighter, believe it our not, to a vivid pink, the palest strawberry. They are luscious I tell you. I love my nips.

  2. Very pink, what more can I say about my nipples, lol. This must sure be the strangest question in a while.

  3. Almost tan, the blush of pink is so subtle… Those tips do match my lips… and I'm not talking about other areas…

    April Morelock

  4. LOL I had to go to hubby for this one….I don't exactly stare at them and well he sees them more than I do! lol He says dark pink. And yea, he also says they match lol
    Poor Leah, she is going to find out so much TMI! :D

  5. Since someone pointed out I did nto identify my own shade…

    Cinnamon nipples, TYVM

    And good lord, Leah, my verification word is PROOF!!

  6. Barely tan in the non arroused state to a deeper blush when in the mood LOL

  7. OH! I forgot, Leah, please don't enter me as I own and have already read Jinxed! :D It was hilarious! :D

  8. Okay, I think I have all the coffee cleaned up that came shooting out of my nose after reading this hilarious post.

    And my tips are a dark rose. At least that's how they look at the moment.

  9. Ahh… the joy of pregnancy where everything gets darker. The nips have turned a lovely shade of light brown, like a weak Ceylon tea. No pink at all. I'm sure they'll be closer to the color of milk chocolate by the time the baby's born.

    (And no need to enter me into the drawing, either. Reading Jinxed kept me sane at the inlaws last weekend)

  10. A dusky rose.

    What a fun blog! This was my first visit but won't be the last.

    (My verificaton word is outinder.)

  11. Fantastic post, Inez; it may show my age, but what a hoot! My color is a sedate mocha "at rest" and slightly darker "in action" if you will.

  12. mine are dark pink. I loved your post it was hilarious.
    lexeetoste at sbcglobal.net

  13. I couldn't wait to read these comments. Mine go from pale rosey to almost cherry, you can guess when.

    Jinxed sounds like it will be very entertaining, like it's author.

  14. Sort of brownish? (Doesn't that sound wonderfully attractive?) Hilarious post, Inez! Would love to have been a fly on the wall during those surveys!

  15. I can't believe I am actually going to answer this on the internet, but we're all friends here right :) They're pale pink.

    Proves I'll do just about anything to win a download of this book. The post was hilarious and I love romantic comedy movies, so why not in books too! I can't wait to read more from Inez.

  16. Hi Inez,
    Congrats on your debut release. Mine are pinkish.

    janie1215 AT excite DOT com

  17. Well since having the children mine have turned a nice shade of light brown – no pink left at all.

    Oh and as no one is here to ask I don't know if I match LOL

  18. Only you, Inez. Only you. *shakes head*

    Mine are…okay, anyone who knows me knows I'm entirely too prude to answer, LOL.

  19. I am grinning so much I have face ache!
    How many women got theirs out whilst sitting at the computer or simply knew instantly!
    Pale Mocha for me or does that make it Latte ? !

  20. LOL…You had me at 'pink titty talk.' Too funny. Love your post, and Happy Birthday, Leah.

    My nips are cinnamon. Yup, having kids makes them darker, but ohhhh, they're larger, too. That's what hubby says.

  21. Yeah, even with a day's warning, I still had to laugh. And I'm in a crummy mood.

    Color? Leah, love, ask Trevor. He'll tell. 'cause truly? I have no clue.

  22. I'm LMAO at how many women are actually answering! I'm with Maya and Susan, you may notice.

    Isn't Inez a hoot? Her stories are the same. If you need a story to cheer you up, turn to her novel!

  23. Nipples are just nipples! They are like bellybuttons! Everyone has them! All mammals! Think about it.

  24. True, but like to think I can keep some mystery. Besides, my age has exceeded my bustline (I hope!) so the wobbling too and fro and the sagging make them harder to see these days.

    Of course it does let me get them closer to the 'cuffs' to compare … I'll have to wait til Gizmo Guy gets home to check on that one.

  25. And with the weird way my mind works I immediately wonder how many of the lovely ladies looked around the room and then discretely checked so they could answer.

    Wouldn't it be hilarious if we could trigger everyone's computer camera's to auto-display as they read this post? Coffee spewing aside, I think it would be highly entertaining…

  26. I have none. I had a double mastectomy at 26 and that was so long ago have forgotten what color they were.

  27. Sorry Estella.

    I hereby claim Estella has invisible ghost nipples that never chap in the cold wind. The left is named Casper, the right is Elvis.

  28. They were chocolate a few months ago. But being that I'm pregnant, they've turned into dark chocolate Hershey's Kisses and are more loveable than ever. *G*

  29. Mine are very pale pink. They don't have color change capabilities, but… nevermind… you said no measurements *g*

  30. Marcia – I just visited your website – it's gorgeous. Did you design it yourself? (And you're the image of the heroine I'm writing right now for Andy's story. So I'm definitely taking notes – ooops, maybe I shouldn't have said that out loud.)

  31. Marcia – just found your blog, and what do you know, you're talking about your website on it. You did a GREAT job!

  32. …light brown, like coffee with too much cream… somehow that seems like TMI, but what a fun thread!!

  33. Inez…too funny!

    Happy birthday, Leah!

    I have to go with dusty rose. lol

    Lesa

  34. LOL, I was one that looked to see if my hubby was looking at what I was looking at on the laptop here, LOL. Then I thought if I looked, he'll wonder whats happening, so I'm guessing here, LOL. most likely peach.

  35. dusky rose. Some flesh color with some dark pink. And I don't match. At least I don't think I do.

  36. Inez, you are my hero(ine). I haven't laughed so hard in a long while. The SO is looking at me like I'm nuts, as he questioning says he thinks my nipples are "pink? maybe they've got a pinkish hue to them?"

  37. Lots of fun and not something I really thought about before. Mine are dusky rose.

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