I actually had to look up the meaning of today’s topic “rain on me” in the Urban Dictionary. According to the UD, it means:
“to pour all of your emotional problems on someone.
rain on me baby, i wanna know whats wrong.“
The characters in Deliberate Deceptions are probably two of my most broken-hearted, emotionally hurt people I’ve written. They love each other, they want each other, yet they’ve denied themselves (and each other) that love. They’ve screwed up. Both of them. So I chose this scene, where Troy is forcing Chad to acknowledge the truth about his love for Lauren…
Copyright © 2011 Leah Braemel
All rights reserved — a Samhain Publishing, Ltd. publication
[T]roy’s gaze might have been a laser beam from the look he shot him. “You still fancy her, don’t you?”
“That’s just a piece of paper, isn’t it?” Troy tapped his chest. “But here, inside. That part of you wants another go at her, doesn’t it?”
Annoyed at the line of thought Troy’s questions were taking, he stomped into the bathroom and picked up his razor, packing it neatly in its case. When had he decided to leave in the morning whether he’d heard from Sam or not?
“From the looks of your neck, I’d say you may have already had another go at her.” Troy had followed him, damn it, and now leaned against the doorframe.
Troy moved aside when Chad pushed past, trailing him to the bedroom like a goddamned lost puppy. “I may not have been married, but I do know a thing or two about women and how they wind up a man’s guts.”
Maybe Troy knew about fucking them, but he knew jackshit about keeping them. Then again what did Chad know? He was batting O for one right now, wasn’t he? “I’m not about to go crawling back on my hands and knees. She was damned clear she didn’t want anything to do with me. She thought…”
Deliberate Deceptions is a stand-out in the contemporary erotic genre. ~ Miranda, Joyfully Reviewed
“It doesn’t matter.”
“It does, though doesn’t it? Otherwise you wouldn’t have mentioned it.”
Unwilling to slog through that emotional swampland, Chad shrugged one shoulder. “She put up with a lot of shit when we were married. Not to mention how the press dragged her through the mud right along with me. Everyone at the bureau thought she’d known what I’d done and had helped cover it up. They made it impossible for her to work there anymore so she ended up having to quit. Even in our personal life—friends she’d had since high school dumped her because of what the press was saying about us.”
He’d already lost her by then. She’d pulled away from him after Emily’s death. He’d not realized why until that last big fight. By then it had been too late to do anything.
“I’d say they weren’t good friends if they walked away when she needed them.”
It took Chad a moment to realize what Troy was talking about. “It doesn’t matter. Lauren was right. It was my fault the marriage didn’t work.”
Chad walked to the window and stared out, assessing the guards patrolling the grounds. What were the guards he couldn’t see doing? Were they alert to their surroundings? Or were they goofing off, texting their girlfriends or playing some game they’d downloaded on their cell phone?
“Do you really believe that? That it was your fault?”
“I’m the one who fucked up. I’m the reason she ended up with her picture splashed over the fucking tabloids.” How they’d managed to get that video of the two of them in their bedroom he still hadn’t discovered.
Deliberate Deceptions is wrought with heady emotions and explosive sex…a gorgeous love story that will break your heart and mend it all over again. ~ Miranda, Joyfully Reviewed
Chad whirled to face him. “You’re preaching to the choir about death. I know all about it. My father was killed in the line of duty—shot by a goddamned drug addict during a routine traffic stop. My mother was murdered eight years later.” He clenched his fists “Less than a year after Emily died, my sister got shot. She may not be dead but she’s in a wheelchair because I couldn’t protect her. So do not talk to me about how people die.”
“Take your head out of your goddamned arse for once and stop blaming yourself. You were, what, eleven when your father was killed? There is no way you can blame yourself for that. You were living in Boston when that sick bastard lured your mother into showing him that home she had up for sale. There was nothing you could have done to have helped. There was nothing anyone could have done. As for your daughter, her death wasn’t your fault either. It is what it is. Stop blaming yourself.”
It is what it is. How he hated that phrase. Nothing was as it should be. The anger, the ire, drained from Chad as if Troy had pulled a plug, leaving him with an emptiness that was even worse. “I keep thinking I should have seen something, some sign.”
Troy squeezed his shoulder. “Lauren feels the same way. Not about you being responsible, but that she should have seen something too. You two need to talk before you leave, about that if nothing else.”
“How would you know?”
“I just do.”
They’d been stuck on a plane together for hours with nothing to do. If Troy had recognized her, maybe they’d talked. He closed the cover on his suitcase and zipped it shut. Stay. I don’t want to be alone tonight.
What about tomorrow night? Or last night? Or the night before? She’d been the one to run away last time, now he was walking away from her. Self-preservation, instinct, he didn’t know which was placing the suitcase by the door, but he’d be damned if he’d let her rip his heart from his chest again.
Maybe that was the question he should be asking himself: why did she still have the power to hurt him after all these years?
“Because you still love her. More’s the pity.”
He stared at Troy. “What?”
“You asked how she still had the power to hurt you.”
He’d said that out loud?
“I know you look at that picture in your desk a half dozen times a day. You still love her.” Troy tapped the top of Chad’s suitcase. “So, what are you going to do about it? You going to run? Because that hasn’t worked for either of you so far, has it?”
Deliberate Deceptions is being bundled with Private Private under the title of Private Deceptions — available January 1, 2013
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