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Okay, this may fall into the category of TMI – and strangely enough I had a discussion the other day about how many authors cross lines of ‘I did NOT need to know that’ but I couldn’t NOT comment on this.

I read Dear Abby. And a lot of times I agree with her. Sometimes I don’t. The other day, I just couldn’t agree with her.

Here’s a link to the article, and here’s the specific letter that sparked a discussion with Gizmo Guy and I.

DEAR ABBY: I’m 13, and I have a problem with my parents. They have been having sex. That’s not the problem, except for the fact that they don’t wait for me to fall asleep before doing it. Tonight they had sex before saying goodnight! How do I confront them about this? — FREAKED OUT IN ALAMEDA, CALIF.

DEAR FREAKED OUT: Tonight at dinner, say, “Mom, Dad, I think it’s time we talked about the facts of life. The first fact of life is, I’m not deaf.”

Okay. Gizmo Guy and I have been married 30 years next month. We have two children – well, they’re not little kids anymore since they’re 23 and 17. The 23 year old works nights, and when he didn’t (was in college) he stayed up all night anyway. The 17 year old is at school during the day, and now stays up later than we do watching TV in the room directly beneath our bedroom. In other words, there’s ALWAYS someone around, and awake, when we are. Yet according to Abby, we’re supposed to wait until they’re asleep before we can have … um … conjugal relations.

Do we? NO. Because they’re never asleep!

(Okay, warning – here’s the TMI part) It’s not like we stand in the middle of the room and announce “We’re going upstairs to have sex!” We do try to be discreet, but for Pete’s sake, our bed squeaks and there is NO way we can stop it, believe me, we’ve tried. And forget finding other rooms or places in the house because there is ALWAYS a kid around on one floor or another! (Thank GOD we’re going away for our anniversary next month! We decided upon Quebec City, by the way.)

So if Curly had written that letter and showed it to me, I’d have told him “Look. Just think how lucky you are you have a mother and father who still love each other enough after 30 years to still …um … do it. Turn on your radio or something. But live with it!”

So on a totally rhetorical note (thankfully Curly has never said anything) – if your kid came to you and said what Dear Abby recommended — what would you say or do?

Sex education?
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7 thoughts on “Sex education?

  • April 11, 2008 at 5:05 am

    Hmmm… that is a tough one.
    But I’m not sure Dear Abbey was saying that the parents SHOULDN’T have sex, just that they should perhaps be a bit more discreet for the sake of their ‘OMG! Like, my parents are doing it, EWW!!’ adolescent daughter?

    I’m not sure what I’d do… my kids are young enough that this isn’t an issue… yet 😉

  • April 11, 2008 at 5:09 am

    I wasn’t implying I thought Abbey thought parents shouldn’t have sex, just that she’s saying you’re supposed to wait until they’re asleep. A lot of teenagers keep later hours than their parents (I know mine do). And since they’re always around, and there’s someone always awake, that means GG and I would never able to. Akkk!

    And even at my age, I still cringe at the thought of my parents ‘doing it’! *shudders* I think the daughter will just have to get over it.

  • April 11, 2008 at 4:04 pm

    The only reason I wait till my kids are asleep is cause THEY SLEEP, they’re not teens yet.

    But heck I close our door when we do it, and our bed does creak. Do I care? No.

    But I don’t JUMP my husband in front of my children.

    When I was thirteen I would never think about my parents doing it. I knew they did, but like Wylie Ewwww gross.

    Good on you. I do not agree with Abbey. If the parents weren’t being discreet that’s one thing. If they were doing it where their daughter saw than that’s criminal. LOL!

    No need to worry about TMI. Look what I write.

    Of course tomorrow I won’t be able to look you in the eye. 😉

  • April 11, 2008 at 7:45 pm

    I have to say the Ew factor is hard to ignore. But lucky for me (for now – Miss M is 5), that’s not an issue. Not really looking forward to it when it does become one though.

    For now, ignorance is bliss.

  • April 12, 2008 at 7:08 am

    Kudos to you, lol, I think it’s the best example of what a wholesome loving relationship should look like, and there should be no shame in it.

    It shouldn’t be rubbed in the youngster’s face, lol, there is that EWWW factor…but, on the other hand it shouldn’t be a big deal either.

    I’m sure you guys have set an excellent example for maintaining a happy marriage for your kids to go by. Not everyone can say this…It’s great, imho, for kids to know their parents love each other, know how to love each other, and by extension, love them.

  • April 12, 2008 at 8:16 pm

    Better to have your kids here you ‘making love’ than fighting, right?

  • April 13, 2008 at 1:03 pm

    I agree with you. My parents acted like a perfectly healthy act by two adults never happened between them. Which made me think there was something wrong with it initially and after that something wrong with them.

    I’m sure there are situations where being more discreet is appropriate but not just to preserve the embarrassment of a teen who already knows the facts of life.

    Maybe they should have sat down and had a different discussion – like you said – about what a normal healthy marriage is about so the girl wouldn’t feel embarrassed.

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